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Where This Course Begins

This course is for anyone who has lived with a spouse or partner who hurts them. Hurts with fists, with words, with lies, or with control. Over four short lessons we'll look at what the King James Bible says about abusive relationships. Who can be an abuser. How to spot the signs. Your freedom to get safe. And how to heal.

Today is Lesson One. It's called "Abuse Has No Gender."

Our Key Verse

"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."

— Proverbs 21:19 (KJV)

The Bible Tells the Truth About Both Sexes

Our world often talks as if only men can be abusers. The Bible doesn't. It says plainly that sin lives in every heart.

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"

— Romans 3:23 (KJV)

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

— Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)

Scripture shows us wicked men and wicked women. Let's look at both, side by side.

Ahab: A Man Who Sold Himself to Evil

Of Ahab the Bible says:

"But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the LORD, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up."

— 1 Kings 21:25 (KJV)

Notice the end of that verse. Ahab was "stirred up" by his wife. Here a wicked husband and a wicked wife fed each other's sin.

Amnon: A Man Who Used and Discarded

Amnon forced himself on his half-sister Tamar, then turned on her with hatred.

"Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her."

— 2 Samuel 13:14 (KJV)

"Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone."

— 2 Samuel 13:15 (KJV)

That is the pattern of many abusers: take what they want, then despise the person they hurt.

Nabal: A Harsh and Churlish Husband

Nabal was so harsh that even his own servants said no one could talk to him.

"Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb."

— 1 Samuel 25:3 (KJV)

"Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do; for evil is determined against our master, and against all his household: for he is such a son of Belial, that a man cannot speak to him."

— 1 Samuel 25:17 (KJV)

His wife Abigail acted wisely to protect her household from his folly (1 Samuel 25:18-35), and God judged Nabal (1 Samuel 25:38).

Jezebel: Control and Lies

Jezebel ran her husband and her kingdom. When Ahab wanted Naboth's vineyard, Jezebel took over. She wrote letters in her husband's name and paid men to lie about Naboth so he would be killed.

"And Jezebel his wife said unto him, Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? arise, and eat bread, and let thine heart be merry: I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite."

— 1 Kings 21:7 (KJV)

"So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, and sealed them with his seal, and sent the letters unto the elders and to the nobles that were in his city, dwelling with Naboth."

— 1 Kings 21:8 (KJV)

She also threatened God's prophet Elijah, and that bold man of God ran for his life.

"Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time."

— 1 Kings 19:2 (KJV)

"And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beer-sheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there."

— 1 Kings 19:3 (KJV)

Delilah: Pressure Day After Day

The Philistine lords offered Delilah money to betray Samson (Judges 16:5), and she took it (Judges 16:18). When her tricks failed, she wore him down with words, day after day.

"And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth."

— Judges 16:15 (KJV)

"And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;"

— Judges 16:16 (KJV)

The strongest man in the Bible was broken, not by an army, but by constant pressure at home.

Athaliah: Ruthless for Power

When her son died, Athaliah killed the royal family so she could rule.

"And when Athaliah the mother of Ahaziah saw that her son was dead, she arose and destroyed all the seed royal."

— 2 Kings 11:1 (KJV)

The Contentious Woman

Proverbs speaks several times about living with a contentious, or quarrelsome, woman. The Bible says it is better to live alone in hard places than in a big house with her.

"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."

— Proverbs 21:9 (KJV)

"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."

— Proverbs 25:24 (KJV)

"A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike."

— Proverbs 27:15 (KJV)

Proverbs warns just as strongly about angry, violent men (Proverbs 22:24-25, which we'll read in Lesson Three). God's Word is fair to both.

Victims Can Be Men or Women

Tamar was a woman hurt by a man. Abigail lived with a harsh husband. Samson was a man worn down by a woman. Elijah, a man, fled from a woman's threats. If you are a wife being hurt by your husband, God sees you. If you are a husband being hurt by your wife, God sees you too.

No Shame for Any Victim

Women are sometimes told they must have caused it. Men are sometimes told they can't be victims at all. Both lies are wrong. Being hurt does not make you weak or guilty. Samson was strong, and he was still worn down. Elijah was bold, and he still ran from Jezebel. God saw them, and He sees you.

"The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."

— Psalms 34:18 (KJV)

Closing Thought

Abuse is a sin problem, not a man problem or a woman problem. The Bible names it in both. Next time, in Lesson Two, we'll look at the signs of an abusive person.

Let Us Pray

Father, thank You that Your Word tells the truth. Help every hurting person know that You see them, man or woman. Give them courage and peace. In Jesus' name, amen.