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Where We Left Off

In Lesson Two we learned the signs of an abusive person. Today is Lesson Three. It's called "Free to Get Safe and Move On." This is the heart of the course, so let's be clear from the start.

Our teaching at Authorized Sword Ministries is this: if you are married to an abusive spouse, you are not obligated to stay. You are free in Christ to get safe and to move on with your life. God does not punish you for getting away from someone who is hurting you.

Let's see why from the Scripture.

Our Key Verse

"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." — 1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV)

Marriage Is a Covenant With Duties

God made marriage a covenant, and it comes with duties for both husband and wife. Husbands are told to love their wives as their own bodies.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" — Ephesians 5:25 (KJV)

"So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." — Ephesians 5:28 (KJV)

"For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" — Ephesians 5:29 (KJV)

Wives are told to reverence their husbands, and both are told to submit to one another in the fear of God.

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." — Ephesians 5:21 (KJV)

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." — Ephesians 5:33 (KJV)

"Nourisheth and cherisheth," love and reverence. Abuse, by a husband or a wife, is the opposite. A spouse who beats, terrorizes, or crushes the other is not keeping the covenant. Paul even says someone who will not provide for his own household has denied the faith:

"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." — 1 Timothy 5:8 (KJV)

"Not Under Bondage in Such Cases"

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks to husbands and wives alike. He says a believer should not put away a spouse who is willing to stay in peace.

"But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away." — 1 Corinthians 7:12 (KJV)

"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." — 1 Corinthians 7:13 (KJV)

But when the unbelieving spouse departs, the believer "is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (1 Corinthians 7:15).

Let's be honest about what the text says, and what it doesn't. Jesus names fornication as a reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9), and Paul names an unbelieving spouse departing. The word "abuse" does not appear in these verses. But we believe a spouse who abuses has already left the marriage in every way that counts. They are not "pleased to dwell" with you in peace. This is our application of the passage, not words the passage itself uses. If Paul says that failing to provide for your household is a denial of the faith (1 Timothy 5:8), then cruelty toward your own spouse is surely no better. An abuser has broken the covenant with their own hands. In such cases you are not under bondage. This is true whether the abuser is the husband or the wife. God has called you to peace, not to a life of fear.

"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." — Matthew 19:9 (KJV)

God's People Ran From Danger

The Bible never praises staying put to be hurt. When King Saul tried to kill David, David ran.

"And Saul sought to smite David even to the wall with the javelin; but he slipped away out of Saul’s presence, and he smote the javelin into the wall: and David fled, and escaped that night." — 1 Samuel 19:10 (KJV)

When enemies watched the gates to kill Paul, he escaped over the wall.

"But their laying await was known of Saul. And they watched the gates day and night to kill him." — Acts 9:24 (KJV)

"Then the disciples took him by night, and let him down by the wall in a basket." — Acts 9:25 (KJV)

Jesus told His disciples, when they faced persecution, to flee to safety. The setting is different, but the principle applies: God does not require you to stay where you are being harmed.

"But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come." — Matthew 10:23 (KJV)

God Says Keep Away From Angry People

"Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:" — Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)

"Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul." — Proverbs 22:25 (KJV)

In a passage about church discipline, Paul also told believers not to keep company with people who call themselves Christians but live in open sin, including the "railer," a person who verbally abuses others.

"But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat." — 1 Corinthians 5:11 (KJV)

You Are Not Condemned

If you have left an abusive spouse, you may hear voices, even in church, telling you that you sinned. Hear God's Word instead:

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." — Romans 8:1 (KJV)

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." — Galatians 5:1 (KJV)

Closing Thought

Getting safe is not sin. Moving on is not sin. God called you to peace. Next time, in our last lesson, we'll talk about healing and moving forward.

Let Us Pray

Father, thank You that You are a God of peace. Give courage to everyone trapped in fear. Lift off guilt that does not belong to them. In Jesus' name, amen.